Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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