All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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