There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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