his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
