she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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