He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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