i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
