Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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