How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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