I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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