I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
