I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
