he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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