Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
