There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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