UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
