idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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