Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
