Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
