Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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