I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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