How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
