Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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