Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Vodka?
Forever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
