The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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