normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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