I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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