Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
