I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
