if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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