covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
