I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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