Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
