It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
