do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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