I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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