Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
