3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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