I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
