So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
