It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
