I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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