I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize