Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
