Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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