I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
