I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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