that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
