we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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