somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh god it's open bar.
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