wanna go halves on a baby?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
