I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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