We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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