well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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