I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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