the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
